Redneck Date Night

Who says you can't get a man with a gun?

Whatever.

A couple of weeks ago the foxy Mr. and I went on a very redneck date night. And it was a hoot. Where'd we go? Glad you asked.

The.gun.range. Yes, we did.

(At least one girl in my BS group just whooped and hollered)

..

I was so nervous and shaking the whole time while he loaded the gun because I've never held a gun that had a "magazine." (That's the bullet holder for all you novice sharp-shooters) Yeah, and now I'm soooo knowledgeable... :)

..

He showed me the proper way to load, aim, and shoot. The Invisible Me was playing an episode of 24 in my mind... I was Jack Bauer's assistant and he was so in need of my mad firepower skills...because he was being held captive by some really bad guys trying to kill the president...and me, in my arsenal glory showed up just in time to annihilate the foreign terrorists and save the day by putting a hole in the Blue Smurf enemy... Of course. Whew. Super-hero'in is hard work.

I'm not sure I can actually kill an intruder if they come into my house but I can sure scare them and maybe take off a finger or two (if I aim for the heart)... Let's just say I need a lot of work. But seriously, take note of the shell you see flying out of my gun. That is good cameramannin', Foxy Mr.

But here we are, on our redneck date night. And YES, I was the dork asking someone to take a picture of us! But PLEASE notice where I am pointing... The heart. YES, I made that shot.

Don't break into my house and think you're going to get to my babies.

You've.been.warned.

Colossians 3

I am not sure how we got from Colossians chapter 3 to the Lord of All using our bathroom.

But we did.

...

Chapter 3..."Since then you have been raised with Christ...yada, yada, yada...Therefore as God's chosen people...so on and so forth...wives, submit, husbands, love, children OBEY...yada, yada, yada... Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord..."

...

And then it went like this...

...

Me: Guys, "whatever you do" let's talk about "whatever" - like cleaning the bathroom...

Kid One: Oh, I knew you were going to take it there. Like God is going to come in and use our bathroom.

Kid Two: Man, if he did, he would see I didn't clean all the pee off the seat.

Me: Wait, wait.

Kid One: You never do, [Kid Two].

Kid Two: Well, it's not like he'll need to poop. (sorry, I'm just keeping it real. It wasn't disrespectful but a real conversation that happened during our Bible study.)

Kid One: Of course not. Do you hear yourself?

Kid Two: Well, if he did I guess he could hover. I mean, he is God.

Me: I am a failure.

...

Coffee Shop Conversations

This morning I'm sitting at Panera Bread working on my notes for the retreat next weekend. I needed a little mental break so I decided to throw a bone to the last 5 readers who have stayed with my during my writing break. Thank y'all.

,,

Although I don't intend to eavesdrop, who can really help it? C'mon. Be real.

,,

To my left: 3 men talk about sports. I don't understand any of it but it is precious - and not in a condescending way - just precious. Roger Clemmons, Hank Aaron, and some other names that honestly, I don't know if they are athletes or politicians... Then they talk about swingsets for their grandkids and fixing cars. I love how different men and women are.

,,

To my right: 4 women discuss, with great emotion, how someone lost a bag from a shopping afternoon. This particular story is taking MUCH longer than the sports/swingsets/car topics covered by the men. But really, I'm captivated by the shopping bag story - oh, the details. ha/ha

,,

People in line for their bagels smile politely at each other and attempt to "fix" their appearance since it is clear no one took time to shower before they came to sip coffee.

,,

Two other people are typing on laptops and now I'm wondering if they are blogging about me. (And in case they are, I am now smiling mischieviously to give them something good to write about. Oh, I just laughed out loud for them, in case they ARE watching me.)

,,

Alright, back to my study. The clock waits for no one.

,,

Jesus, I pray you show yourself to these people today. Where there may be darkness in their lives, bring your light. May your love be sweeter to them than this chocolate chip bagel with cream cheese!

What.is.that.smell?

Oh my.

I've been pretty busy around my little castle -- taking care of kids, preparing for a retreat in Tulsa and working with a non-profit ministry I adore. All good-busy, but busy. I've put myself on a Twitter diet, a Facebook diet, a shopping diet and a blogging diet.

...

And the other thing that has kept me distracted? That horrible, Horrible, HORRIBLE smell in my garage. Seriously, what is that smell?

...

Apparently, the Foxy Mr. left me a little gift while he went out of town. It turns out there's a little "problem" with our second refrigerator - the one that makes the dreadful humming sound that can be heard INSIDE the house despite the fact it's not in the house. Oh no.

...

Apparently, the MANY packages of meat that were chill-axin' in my freezer were disrupted from their frozen vacation when the Foxy Mr. unplugged the appliance a week or so ago, to silence the humming ruckus. Not the dandiest idea he's ever had. (But I still think he's amazing.) ...And then he left town... Without telling me he unplugged it. ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

...

Apparently, meat, especially the uncooked kind, requires a temperature lower than the nice spring numbers Edmond Oklahoma has posted the last couple of days. Much lower. So the philly steak pucks, and loads of chicken breasts began to revolt and grow the worst case of funk you can imagine.

...

Apparently, this kind of stench evokes quite a response on the olfactory system...which is tied to the digestive system...which produces a violent event when thrust into reverse...which is all I'm going to say about that...

...

So I gagged, and cleaned and bagged the chicken that was supposed to satisfy my dinner menu plan for the next two weeks. Then I skipped dinner due to lack of interest.

...

And because I like to use real life events to reflect on life when things go weird, I reminded myself that if I don't stay plugged into the Word and keep my cool, I'll be stinky and not fun for anyone. It's true, you know.

...

Without Jesus, we all begin to go bad.

My Little Black Eyed Pea

Kid Three took a tumble today. One minute he was sitting on my bed, minding his own business... and the next minute he took a trip through the air via my nightstand. Not sure what happened. I was standing right there but couldn't catch him.

Doesn't every kid fall off a bed and smack their face on something hard at least once before the age of two? It's kind of a right of passage. He's a real boy now.

Passing Time in the ER

Thumbs down on the snot in this house! There is plenty of it, too.

...

Last weekend, Kid Two had battled a fever and congestion for 2 days when he began to get an earache. This kid has had quite a battle with earaches in his life. His little right eardrum has ruptured about 8 or 9 times already, so when he says "My ear hurts," I know it's the real deal.

...

It always happens on Friday, after 5pm, when the doctor's office closes. nice.

...

This time it was 11pm on Saturday night when the extreme pain began for him. Knowing he couldn't make it until Monday, he and I took a little "field trip" to the emergency room. I'm not going to say which one in case one of you reading this blog works there. Let's just say the next time we go, Kid Two and I agreed we would beef up the drama a little more with some crying and yelping so we can skip the 3 hour tour of the waiting room. ugh.

...

To pass time we prayed. First we prayed again and again for his pain to subside. Once that was under control, we began to pray for all the other people we saw and heard in the emergency room. A kid crying next door, a man with chest pain, a little girl with a nasty cough...

...

We didn't pray with thembut we prayed together in our little triage room. It was a great teachable moment for Kid Two. And for me. We talked about how Jesus came for the sick, not the healthy and how He is our great physician in all things. Before we knew it, we were on our way home with a little 'cillian to fight the infection.

...

All cozy in our beds by 3:30am, we were very much aware who was fighting for him!

It's Coming

It's coming this summer.

I am getting so excited!

Tell every single mom you know to go to http://www.ariseministries.net/.

More on this later...

We call it the hot blanket

If you're cold, you have to fight for it.

If you're sick, you're entitled to it.

If you're mom, you trump all and get it anytime you want.

We call it the Hot Blanket.

It's a heated throw blanket only big enough for ONE. Actually it's slightly too small for one, unless you're under 5 feet tall (and I just barely make the cut). Plug it in and select from 3 temperatures -- LOW, MEDIUM, HIGH. I prefer Medium.

It was a gift a couple of years ago from my guy. He's generally comfortable in our 59 degree winter house (well, it feels like it anyway) and I am usually wearing a sweatshirt, 2 pair of socks and earmuffs. Only once did I wear earmuffs. I have my limits. He bought me a hot blanket probably to shut me up.

We all love to curl up with the hot blanket and watch a movie or something -- but only one person at a time can enjoy its comfort.

Thankfully since it's technically mine, I can have it whenever I want EVEN IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY COZIED UP IN IT. UH-HUH.

Kid Two has been under it all weekend long. He's puny. And I'm generous.

The hot blanket is on my list of reasons to get a generator in case my electricity ever goes out for long.

That's all I've got today. It was a long weekend. :)