Confessions of an Addict

The first time I suspected anything was wrong was the day I came home from school to find my dad sleeping in the oversized orange beanbag in the living room. My mother had covered him with a blanket my sister and I reserved for watching Saturday morning cartoons. I remember watching him sleep and staring at the blackest eye I had ever witnessed on a grown up. Within weeks I found out you didn’t have to be a grown up to have grown up problems. I was introduced to the life of a drug addict at the age of seven.

Have you ever wanted something so badly you were willing to do anything to get it? Why would a person go to extreme measures for the object of their affection? And what kind of person is controlled by such desire? They’re called addicts. I’ve spent my whole life surrounded by addicts of one kind or another. I’ve seen alcoholics move in and out of treatment like a fast-food restaurant and I’ve watched drug addicts embrace “starting over” with each change of the wind - sometimes successfully, and sometimes not so fortunate. For many of us, workaholics, overeaters, gambling addicts and a myriad of other gripping addictions run rampant in our circle of acquaintances, while we remain ignorant to it all. Some addictions are tougher to break than others. We look at addicts and wonder what compels them to cling to their addiction as if a matter of life and death. It’s not difficult to understand when you are sold out to your dependence.

It’s been several years since I was seven and now I am willing to confess, I too am an addict.
I’m not different than any other addict. When the pressures of life get to be too heavy I reach for the one thing I know will get me through – the painkiller, if you will. It seems to be the only thing that dulls the ache life heaps on me and takes me to another place where life is different and I am transformed. Like any other addict, when I’m engaged in my “habit” I am numb to my problems. I am uninhibited and life becomes tolerable. I am strong as long as I’m basking in the “high” of my habit. There’s empowerment. And loneliness is absent.

You know an addict when you see one. For us, it is all about the next fix or the next high. My addiction is becoming a way of life. I can hardly make it through a day without giving in to my dependence. It has become my greatest need. Time of day doesn’t matter to me, although at this stage of my involvement I prefer to begin my day with it. And it’s often the last thing I do as well. It’s consuming me.

The nature of my addiction may follow suit to all other dependencies yet I argue this addiction is far stronger and its effects far outweigh any other.

I’m addicted to the love of God.

I’m addicted to His grace, His mercy, His faithfulness, His forgiveness, His healing, and His tenderness. I’m addicted to His gentleness, His freedom and His glory. I’m addicted to the transforming power of His Word. Experience it for yourself. Come on, one time won’t kill you, and you may find you’re addicted from the start! What’s the worst thing that could happen to you? You may actually discover for yourself the reasons I’ve remained an addict for so long.

The love of God is eternal. Psalm 100 “For your love endures forever, your faithfulness continues to through all generations.” There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more. Consequently, there is nothing you can do to make Him love you less. God’s love is everlasting. It’s a high that will embrace you when the world says you’re unlovable or you don’t measure up.

The love of God is exciting. John 10:10 “I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” The Bible promises us life better than we could ask or imagine through Jesus. The journey of a believer is never dull. With each day His mercies are new as we are being transformed into the likeness of His son. In the arms of our King there is no need to look for something else to get us through the day. Our life is fueled by the love of God.

The love of God is extravagant. 1 John 3:1 “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” We are children of God on whom he spills out his blessings.

The love of God is enough. Psalm 63:3 “Because your love is better than life!” It satisfies the soul like nothing else. The love of God can calm the most troubled spirit and bring peace in a difficult situation. Loneliness, fear and shame are no match for the depth of God’s love. His love is enough to sustain you, no matter what life throws your way.

The love of God is evident. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Who would give their only son for a sinner? God did. His love is beyond human comprehension, for no one has ever done for us what he willingly did. He paid the ransom for our sins and redeemed us from eternal separation from Him. His love is evident in the lives of those who seek Him.

I unashamedly admit I am an addict. I am addicted to the love of God and the healing power of His truth. I cannot escape the influence it has over me, nor do I desire to try. His love gives me life and the assurance of an eternal hope.

I am addicted to the love of God. And I will do anything to have it.
Psalm 42:1-2, 8 “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life.”