Confessions of an Addict

The first time I suspected anything was wrong was the day I came home from school to find my dad sleeping in the oversized orange beanbag in the living room. My mother had covered him with a blanket my sister and I reserved for watching Saturday morning cartoons. I remember watching him sleep and staring at the blackest eye I had ever witnessed on a grown up. Within weeks I found out you didn’t have to be a grown up to have grown up problems. I was introduced to the life of a drug addict at the age of seven.

Have you ever wanted something so badly you were willing to do anything to get it? Why would a person go to extreme measures for the object of their affection? And what kind of person is controlled by such desire? They’re called addicts. I’ve spent my whole life surrounded by addicts of one kind or another. I’ve seen alcoholics move in and out of treatment like a fast-food restaurant and I’ve watched drug addicts embrace “starting over” with each change of the wind - sometimes successfully, and sometimes not so fortunate. For many of us, workaholics, overeaters, gambling addicts and a myriad of other gripping addictions run rampant in our circle of acquaintances, while we remain ignorant to it all. Some addictions are tougher to break than others. We look at addicts and wonder what compels them to cling to their addiction as if a matter of life and death. It’s not difficult to understand when you are sold out to your dependence.

It’s been several years since I was seven and now I am willing to confess, I too am an addict.
I’m not different than any other addict. When the pressures of life get to be too heavy I reach for the one thing I know will get me through – the painkiller, if you will. It seems to be the only thing that dulls the ache life heaps on me and takes me to another place where life is different and I am transformed. Like any other addict, when I’m engaged in my “habit” I am numb to my problems. I am uninhibited and life becomes tolerable. I am strong as long as I’m basking in the “high” of my habit. There’s empowerment. And loneliness is absent.

You know an addict when you see one. For us, it is all about the next fix or the next high. My addiction is becoming a way of life. I can hardly make it through a day without giving in to my dependence. It has become my greatest need. Time of day doesn’t matter to me, although at this stage of my involvement I prefer to begin my day with it. And it’s often the last thing I do as well. It’s consuming me.

The nature of my addiction may follow suit to all other dependencies yet I argue this addiction is far stronger and its effects far outweigh any other.

I’m addicted to the love of God.

I’m addicted to His grace, His mercy, His faithfulness, His forgiveness, His healing, and His tenderness. I’m addicted to His gentleness, His freedom and His glory. I’m addicted to the transforming power of His Word. Experience it for yourself. Come on, one time won’t kill you, and you may find you’re addicted from the start! What’s the worst thing that could happen to you? You may actually discover for yourself the reasons I’ve remained an addict for so long.

The love of God is eternal. Psalm 100 “For your love endures forever, your faithfulness continues to through all generations.” There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more. Consequently, there is nothing you can do to make Him love you less. God’s love is everlasting. It’s a high that will embrace you when the world says you’re unlovable or you don’t measure up.

The love of God is exciting. John 10:10 “I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” The Bible promises us life better than we could ask or imagine through Jesus. The journey of a believer is never dull. With each day His mercies are new as we are being transformed into the likeness of His son. In the arms of our King there is no need to look for something else to get us through the day. Our life is fueled by the love of God.

The love of God is extravagant. 1 John 3:1 “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” We are children of God on whom he spills out his blessings.

The love of God is enough. Psalm 63:3 “Because your love is better than life!” It satisfies the soul like nothing else. The love of God can calm the most troubled spirit and bring peace in a difficult situation. Loneliness, fear and shame are no match for the depth of God’s love. His love is enough to sustain you, no matter what life throws your way.

The love of God is evident. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Who would give their only son for a sinner? God did. His love is beyond human comprehension, for no one has ever done for us what he willingly did. He paid the ransom for our sins and redeemed us from eternal separation from Him. His love is evident in the lives of those who seek Him.

I unashamedly admit I am an addict. I am addicted to the love of God and the healing power of His truth. I cannot escape the influence it has over me, nor do I desire to try. His love gives me life and the assurance of an eternal hope.

I am addicted to the love of God. And I will do anything to have it.
Psalm 42:1-2, 8 “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life.”

Tate Scissorhands

What do you buy the little brother when he's jealous, frustrated and openly disgruntled about his brother getting a dirt bike while he continues to ride the foot-powered bicycle? ...Exactly...a pocket knife.

I'll give it to Chad, he's absolutely terrific about teaching the boys to become little men and giving them experiences that will provide lifelong memories of being a boy. (If it were up to me, there would have been no dirt bike, no skateboard, no ramps or anything else that could pose a threat...but I'm a mom.)

So...Tate got a Swiss Army pocket knife. He was so jazzed. I saw him on the back porch "whittling" a stick and heard him say about the many functions of his knife, "What DOESN'T this knife do?!" It wasn't long before he came in for a bandaid for a small "mishap."

Ten minutes later, a second request for a bandaid... then a third...then a papertowel to clean off dripping blood and a fourth band-aid. The next afternoon he came in crying, holding his thumb, blood splatters on his shirt, asking for another bandaid. This cut was a little more intense than the first 4. No need for stitches but definitely a step up from the petty cuts the day before.

Through his tears he agreed we may need to put up the pocket knife for a while -- at least until we can sit down and show him (AGAIN) the proper way to cut up stuff. :)

This is a picture of him before school, sporting 4 of the 5 bandaids he went to bed with.

Reason #245 he can't have a dirt bike right now...

Dirt Bike Nick!

As many of you know, Nick has been saving for a dirt bike for nearly two years. Two weeks ago, he conquered another rung of the childhood ladder. He came home from an afternoon of shopping, haggling and bargaining under Chad's tutelage, sporting a new green helmet and a blue Yamaha-something-or-another. (Mom's aren't required to know the specs.) His smile was huge -- and directly proportionate to the jealous crocodile tears distorting his brother's face. He recounted every move and persuasive argument from each store before firing it up for a test drive and "show" for the neighbor kids.

Chad had agreed to pay half the bill on big purchases if the boys will work hard to save the first half. It took quite a while, but he did it. A cool bike too -- no sissy dirt bike for him. You should have seen the look on his face when the other dirt-bike riding neighbor boys told him it was a "sweet bike" and stood on the sidewalk to watch his inaugural ride.

I almost teared up when I heard him shift. I remember as a little kid I had a t-shirt that said, "My daddy rides a Kawosaki." Now it's time for a whole new season of life..."My son rides a Yamaha." It was pretty cool.

Blogroll! These are my favorite stops throughout the month

I had to move my blogroll from the sidebar because it's getting too big...There are so many great blogs to read throughout the month and each week I find one or two more I really like.

If you have a recomendation for me, email me!

5 Minutes for Mom
Abbi Zeliff
Cindy Beall
Confessions of a Pioneer Woman
Deleise...Overcome
Dine and Dish
Find me...find life...real life
He Gives Me Grace
Help! I'm Overwhelmed By My Blessings
I Am (Not)
James Kitson - Open Journal
Janna Goodwin
Kitchen Karma
Life and Times of Eric's Wife
Life At 7000 Feet
Lisa Whittle
Magnanimity
Mike High
Money Saving Mom
My 12 Hats
Roll Mental Camera
Seeking Peace & Pursuing It
Stiletto Army
Stuff Christians Like
Summer Lovin'
Tales From the Running Mama
The Avery Adventure
Vikki - Random Ramblings





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The Name Game

Heinecke-Heinecke-Bo-Beinecke-Banana-Fanna-Fo-Feinecke, Fee-Fi-Mo-Meinecke, Heinecke.

See why we can't just call this baby Heinecke? The song is really whacked out with more than a 2-syllable name. We're on the prowl for the perfect baby name, for what I'm sure will be the perfect baby. I think it's a boy but Chad is guessing a girl. Nick wants a sister and Tate wants his own room...

We have several options for a girl but we're in need of a few suggestions for a boy. (The boy's name has to go with David as middle name. It's Chad's dad and also Chad's middle name.)

Who wants to help the Heinecke's? I know my sister had several they chose not to use. I can't remember all of them, but "Judah Buddah" isn't going to make the short list, KB...

Think Blue. (But we really won't know until the birthday!)

Single Moms - Lend a Hand!

A few things I learned as a single mother...

1. Toast, pudding and a slice of cheese is a suitable meal in a hurry...no matter what anyone says.

2. A pile of clean laundry is every bit as clean as a folded stack of laundry.

3. It's perfectly acceptable to buy yourself a really expensive gift for Father's Day.

4. "Experienced clothing" given to your kids is a blessing.

5. Vacuum marks in the carpet are overrated.

6. Efficient grocery shopping on your lunch hour without kids is a fine art.

7. You can strive to be 100% mom and 100% dad but at the end of the day, you realize you're still only 50% of what those kids need. BUT THE FATHER FILLS IN THE GAPS!!

For three years I've been involved with a wonderful group of people sponsoring a state-wide Single Mother's Conference - Survive 'N Thrive! This conference is a 2 day event designed specifically for single mothers. Women from all over our state join together for encouragement, prayer adn practical advice for single parenting. It's terrific!

You can visit www.ariseministries.net for more information. If you'd like to help with the conference, get more information or make a financial donation - let me know. If you know a single mom who may enjoy this time of refreshment, email me and I'll send her an invitation.

June 22-23, 2007 - Sponsored by Arise Ministries, held at Henderson Hills Baptist Church, Edmond.